ricoleeee

I’m probably alone in saying I had a shit time. It’s not that I didn’t have fun - er, well, I didn’t. Not really, anyway. If I did, it doesn’t really stand out because it was mostly boring.

I didn’t take many pictures. All thirty of them are either HEB, the condo or the beach. There are no people. I’m not in any pictures taken by others. I think it’s best that we all pretend I was never there. But that won’t be so hard.

It’s no one’s fault that I felt so horrible the entire time. I just wasn’t really comfortable enough around anyone to assume they would want to hang out with me, so I didn’t really assert myself much.

If you haven’t caught on, I’m a very insecure person, and under the general impression that no one worth knowing really thinks I’m worthwhile. I figured: if anyone really wanted to spend some of their time with me, they’d approach me, or maybe phone me or invite me somewhere. I hate being the one to initiate socialization; it’s just how it is. Don’t take it personally.

I feel very alone, all the time.

On a brighter note, the end of junior year is tangible. It’s freaking me out. I wish I was an ostrich, and I could just bury my head under the sand and feel safe and secure. Or a turtle. That’s why turtles are my favourite animals.

With my pencil-sword of justice #2, I will obliterate this weekend, lest it consume me.

I am happy to announce that the ensemble is no more.

See you on the other side of the fence. On Tuesday. Must leave house by 7:15.

It feels empty, barren, looking at my bank statements and seeing no significant increase. Kind of like a hopeful mother receiving news from her doctor that she’s infertile. Or a penguin who accidentally let the egg they were supposed to be protecting out in the cold too long, and it froze, rendering the entire mating season for that year a waste. Or a mother bear, agonizing over the limp body of one of her two cubs, because he couldn’t learn to climb the tree properly. Or any other appropriate analogy involving wildlife and parenting.

Screw summer vacation (for the eighth year in a row). I’m getting a job.

My brother’s graduation is on Friday, May 9. It appears that my family finds it imperative that I attend, despite that I will still be in school. Conflict.