This blog is dead.

Today, after work, Gino and I drove down to Mockingbird to see a movie. It was good.

In many ways, it was kind of like a New Zealand-version of Napolean Dynamite, except better. Its redeeming quality: there was more than one layer of plot. While enjoyable, and nice, I don’t think I’d watch it again. I do recommend it, though.

Lily, a loser Meaty Boy employee, attends the videogame-costume party of her crush, Jarrod. The two socially-awkward adults start an equally awkward relationship. In a very off-beat manner, Lily accompanies Jarrod to his hometown as he prepares for a fight against his high school nemesis.

Oh, the value of relationships. I could go on about that considering my week.

I can’t write a legit review unless I am getting something out of it. I’m trying to take up space here, because it looks nicer. Maybe I should try doing that…you know, so this journal can have a purpose.

Uggnn. How do I begin? How about I just don’t begin. The skinny of it: uggghhn. Sometimes, asking for nothing, is asking me too much. Someone who wants to call me a friend on any level can’t expect me to not care. It’s a character flaw; I care too much for people, regardless of my relationship with them. I will worry about a person I know nothing about. I don’t expect such in return, in fact, I would prefer that no one cared for me.

But, consider it realistically. Even though that is the ideal situation for me, I wouldn’t ask for it because who would give it?

I have a difficult time expressing myself - always have. Let us create a hypothetical situation (or perhaps extract one from the recesses of my memories), and then analyse the fuck out of it.

In elementary school, I had a classmate that I hated beyond reason. This person regularly said terrible things to me, for no reason other than…well, that we were third graders. But when his mother died, I cried a lot for him. Because I have an over-sized, caring heart.

As a result, I hurt too much for others that I forgot how to care about myself. That’s still the case today. But sometimes, I can’t help it, you know? I think that’s what happened. I let the personal regard slip, because I don’t let it happen as often as I used to, and I lost control and let myself get attached. Granted, I did sort of have expectations about tenth grade. I figured that by the end of tenth grade, I’d finally have a real friend for high school like Gino had Alyah, Andrew and Michelle. Even if I wouldn’t see them after graduation, at least for the time being I wouldn’t be afraid to call someone on a whim and be afraid of being told to piss off. I guess I was being unrealistic.

So, it is what it is, and I just need to keep myself in check. Not in the way that I used to. Perhaps sticky notes will do the trick.

That aside…other movies.